I start with this lesson because it’s a harsh one, but incredibly freeing once you’ve figured it out. Remember when your mother said something like “You know the world doesn’t revolve around you“? As humans on the planet, we bounce off each other in whatever way we choose but, silently, selfishly, we believe our mothers were wrong–it is always about us. Always. And that’s nature. We’re all we know. Everything comes from our perspective because it’s all we really have. We can try to see around it, but our fallback is always what we know, what we’ve seen, what we experience.
So if someone is whispering in a room, they’re talking about me! If someone in my life is happy (or sad), it’s got something to do with what I’ve done (or not done). If my children are well behaved, good atheletes, good students, or-God forbid-bad at anything, it’s a reflection on me and how I have raised them. Everything around me is an extension of me and under my control.
However, and here’s the part that is freeing if you let it, it’s almost never EVER about you. No one is noticing you and what you’re doing because they are entirely too busy worrying about themselves. They aren’t judging your hair, your house, your goofy kids-they have their own bad hair and teenagers to stress over. Bad moods can be caused by a million things and none of them you. Whispers in the room may be about you but … wait for it … you really don’t care what they’re saying so why find out what it was!?
That last one really only happens after the 40 thing takes over but, trust me, it does happen and it’s just about the best thing you’ll ever figure out.
Lesson 1 in the Lessons from a 40 Something blog: Assume it has nothing to do with you until someone asks you to sit down for a talk.
Lessons from 40 Something 